LEAH LIVES!!!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tzadik Nister…..Dear,
OK, so I'm not dead.
Craving still kicking ? HECK YEAH !!
Seeking attention ? FUCK NO !!
Think about it, if I wanted attention I would answer my phone, I would "let someone find me" I would do something for someone to stop me.
What is it that keeps me trucking ?
FEAR.
I am not scared to die, I want to die, I am scared of failing at death, i am scared that I will be the one who dives in front of the bright red number 3 and has her legs amputated, and damn it I got some hot legs.
I am the one who who drinks enough Lubavitch Prozac to kill a horse and chews enough Oxycontin between gulps to knock a whole
minyan out, then as I feel myself going into the black out realm I wander some train tracks and some how wake up needing two aspirin to kill the hangover ON A BENCH the next morning.
when I was a little kid Bais Rivka got shut down for two weeks because the boiler broke. During my two weeks free from Chanie Metzger and rabbi Newman I did what all little kids do. I built my perfect fantasy world with Leg go's. I was the master, the King…. or queen, Na I was the King,I ruled it all I made everything happen when and how I wanted, I was GOD in my Leg go world , it was awesome, it was fun it was controlling…..IT WAS MINE.I was very young when i was GOD of my leg go world, but that was the first time that i had a new outlook on life and the world.
When I sat there above my Leg go kingdom and looked at my magnificent creation that I worked so hard on and had total control over , I thought to myself……Vayehi Ohr….and then there was light….for me at least, as GOD of the Leg go creation universe I
wondered???? I believe in GOD, 1000 % I have never doubted GOD….I felt like GOD.For the first time I saw a different side of GOD, I envisioned GOD sitting at a big beautiful cherry wood table playing with his magnificent Leg go creation. I imagined GOD having his favorite block head Leg go people, the crappy yellow room that lacks
punch, oomph and pride and the back room that he left mid production and was going to tear down.
Do I believe in GOD ??? 1000 % life after death ? Yeah, its just phase 2 of the game.I think GOD always was and always will be, we are his "children" his creation, he loves us….LIKE LEG GO'S. After he's done with us we all go, to the same place, like it or not.There is no superman, super guy tough man stallion, who beat the odds, Moishe Rabenu kicked on for 120, he's our star our hero our envy.
Human nature is to crave life and fear death, we believe in GOD The Bible/Torah, life after death because everything we do is a reaction and has a reaction, we dont do anything just cuz.We eat because we are hungry, shit because we got no choice, when you gotta go you gotta go ! and we reproduce because we starve for purpose and children give us that.
My children are my joy, my life, my reason, with out them i dunno where the fuck I would be, these are things we hear from everyone with kids, these are the things people with kids are "supposed" to say are programmed to say.
My kids are ass holes, my kids are killing me, my kids are a royal pain in the ass, i cant stand my kids,These are the things we only hear with a crooked smile a twinkle in the eye and an abundance of sarcasm in the voice. We have
to love our kids and we believe GOD feels that way about us.I want to die, i have so much to live for, what about my kids, Im so smart and beautiful, Im such a good friend, no one else can do
what i do BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA, LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA.
I dont want to commit suicide for attention, I dont tink any one ever does, killing your self for attention is stupid, your dead and cant even bask in the attention. Write a suicide letter for attention ?
No, not me, I know i have a 12 for a body and i can use that for attention and will get it, so much of it…. I failed again, obviously or i wouldnt be writing this.
I am happy, I am content, I am always smiling. I want to die, it is my craving, my addiction.I talked to Shtick Dreck Cali Yichus today, some girl called him and threw a bipolar fit about what not and some fucking thing about Im not buing you any clothes some other girl will take off you. A girl called Shtick Dreck Cali Yichus and bla bla bla about some pills or something because she was creeping 35, his heartfelt reaction, if you fucking do any thing so dumd Im gonna shove
my big cock………..She went for it, the other one went for his whacked out answer too, they wanna fuck him, go figure, I told him to do it and love it, get it the fuck over with, apparantly he has a "thing" for the crazy bitches, and then he dumps them because he craves the "normal" girls…He's still single.
I want him to pick me up from rehab, Yeah Im checkin in, for my addiction, my craving my want for death.I'm goin out out to Cali to try and beat this shit outa me. I have never wanted to beat it outa myself, just give in, because it has so much strength. So why the fuck am I gonna check in and try ? Well….this is a new concept to me and i wanna be able to say I did it, Na just kidding.
I said it before, I am happy, content, satisfied, I really have no reason to die. I crave death. I am going to check in to see if i can beat my craving, if I can… GO ME !!! If I cant, well I tried….. I crave death, Tzadik Nister You gonna pick me up ?I can take fuck off if you shoot it at me.
leah kleim
Judaism.com
September 27th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
a friend who is a friend with a columbia university journalism school student who is assigned the crown heights beat & is covering the 2 suicides there told me a couple of days ago that there was a third attempt by a third, a woman, who knew one of the 2 & went AWOL & that they found her alive “at a cemetary.” i suppose it was you, leah. i explained that the cemetary mentioned was most probably the old montefoire where the rebbe is buried. is this true?
while we are at it, would you like to speak to this guy? (i don’t know him personally, but from what i hear he sounds chill.)
a gut bebencht zise LEBEDIKE yor.
PS: this whole copy-cat suicide thing… what about your kids????
September 27th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
This drasha from Rabbi Pinky Shmekelstein is so brilliant I had to share it with everyone.
On this holiday, the yuntif of Sukkois, we wave fresh fruit at the
sky for seven days, and eat in an open air beehive. We cap it off by
dancing cheek to cheek with a bunch of bearded men. (I have a date
with a talmid named Yerachmiel; I hope I get lucky!)
According to Chazzal, Sukkois is the time when Moshiach will come.
And according to Reb Hai Goyn, it is the holiday when you are
supposed to separate yourself from the secular world. He cites as
proof the fact that you are forced to take off so many work days
right before end of year reviews, you might as well start polishing
up your resume.
The RI holds that Sukkois is actually a celebration of homosexuality.
When Klal Yisroel were preparing for the long winter, planting in the
fields by day and sleeping in huts at night, at the end of a long day
they would sit down bichavrusa (in pairs) and study a little Talmud.
One minute they are on daf yud baiz, amud alef, and the next minute
they are on the floor, committing Mishkav Zachor. And who can blame
them? I get excited by a gevaldik Toisfois myself!
The RI cites various Sukkois practices as proof for his position:
- We wave our phallic lulavim on the faces of all the other men,
boasting about how ours is the biggest in the shul;
- Alongside our lulav is our esroig, where the gemarrah tells us that
the more bulbous and full of veins, the better;
- We commit a sadomasochistic act with a handful of willow branches;
- We dance around the Toirah with other men, our fingers firmly
entwined with others’ hot, sweaty, hairy hands.
However, most Rishoinim disagree with the RI, referring to his rather
abrupt departure from his position as director of the all boys
Orthodox summer camp in Northern Lithuania (although they settled out
of Baiz Din, so no one can prove a damn thing).
The RIF points to the beauty of the Sukkah celebration as a unique
mitzvah within Yiddishkeit. Fresh fruit. The outdoors. Many Rishoinim
hold that you should live in the Sukkah for eights days. It says in
the Gemmarah that Rish Lakish would move into the Sukkah, and use it
as an excuse for not having to deal with his mother in law all week.
Rav Ashi, on the other hand, insisted that his mother in law sleep in
the Sukkah, and take one or two of the kids with her.
The Sukkah offers many opportunities to be Hiddur Mitzvah, to go
above and beyond the letter of the commandment. It is customary to
decorate the Sukkah with pictures and other decorations. (Vooz iz
givehn plastic fruit, anyway? I understand the Reform decorate their
Sukkahs with shrimp.)
According to Rabbeinu Tam, it is actually a Mitzvah Dioraisa to buy
Christmas decorations in January at fifty percent off, to be used in
decorating the Sukkah the following year: Flashing lights. Ornaments.
Candy canes. Indeed, one year the Vilna Goyn decorated his Sukkah
with a nativity scene he bought for six dollars.
There are other things that one can do with a Sukkah. A Braisah
brings down a story of Rabbi Elazar Ben Azariah, who, as a teenager,
had the roof removed from his family’s minivan so that he could drive
down to the beach and be mekayaim the mitzvois of pleasuring his
girlfriend and eating in the sukkah at the same time. What a tzaddik!
Yet the most beautiful element of Sukkois, and the aspect most
shrouded in mystery, is the mitzvah of esroig. I still can’t figure
it out. It looks like a lemon. It smells like a lemon. It even tastes
like a lemon. But it costs as much as heroin. How come it is easier
to buy fresh peaches from Antarctica than it is to buy an esroig at a
reasonable price?
And how many times in your life have you heard of esroig jelly. I bet
you have heard of it all your life, but have NEVER seen it. You know
why? Imagine this boast to your friends and neighbors: “I took 100
esroigim that last week retailed for a total of $5,000, mixed them up
with a little sugar and pectin, and now it’s worth about $1.50.”
Really impressive.
For this reason, I have a personal minhag. Two days before Sukkois, I
buy 5 pounds of lemons in the supermarket, take them home, and then
take a baseball bat to them. After about ten minutes of beating the
crap out of them, I have plenty esroigim for myself and the
kinderlach, and sell the remainder in the shul. With the extra money
I buy some cologne, so I can smell nice for my dancing partner on
Simchas Toirah night.
Ah Gutten Yuntif, you Minuval.
Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein
Rosheshiva
Yeshiva Chipas Emmess
=====
http://www.geocitie s.com/npoj8/ index.html
http://rabbi- pinky.blogspot. com/
September 28th, 2007 at 1:38 am
to rebby pinkie schcehelstein-and agut yom tov to you freind!
September 28th, 2007 at 2:25 am
This link is to a story about google earth users who complained about a group of buildings that come togething forming a swastika.Hahaha.
http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/null/46586
September 28th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
zoro,
i feel compelled to say that your comment lacks any human compassion, emotion. ok, m’ken zogn az zi iz meshuge ober kuli alma modim zi iz a medaber. you frighten me.
September 29th, 2007 at 9:41 am
She is still M I A
September 29th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
I WILL SUCCEED !!!!!!
September 30th, 2007 at 12:34 am
like for everything else , a solution exists within torah:
were you born under the sign of mars,Leah?
the talmud suggests that people sublimate the tendency to shed blood by becoming either a shochet, mohel, or surgeon or butcher.
or venipuncturist or phlebotomist
in some cases a woman can shecht
and its kosher
September 30th, 2007 at 4:47 am
Leo. This is not about what the torah says, it is about how I feel.
GOD knows every decision you are going to make and move you will take….he made me, he programed me, he loves me.
September 30th, 2007 at 4:48 am
and he gave me the urge to die.
September 30th, 2007 at 7:18 am
Leah is obviously hurting, she needs us. If you read her blog you will see she posted pictures of herself at Yehudah Chitricks grave site. Knowing Leah I can only imagine her going to The Rebbe’s Chossid for closure.