My Rebbe
I was nineteen years old in the fourth class of Oholei Torah, the year students went on shlichus. For the first time in my life I had not been at a farbrengen in four months. These were the beginnings of me leaving Chabad, and the Ultra-orthodox community in which I was bred. I’d lie at home for weeks reading books and not leaving my bedroom. This new entry into the world of books was not so much an escape or even a hope but more of a desperate attempt by me to block out the confusion and ugly states of mind that I was experiencing
My entire class had been selected to go on shlichus to various yeshivas throughout the world but I was not selected to go to Sydney, Australia, the one venue I wanted to go, since my chavrusa of the past two years was going there.
So I did not attend the farbrengens until one shabbos I decided to go. I entered 770 at 1:30 pm and walked to my place but as the farbrengen began I was feeling depressed and decided to leave. My place, to the Rebbe’s left on the raised platform, five people behind Rabbi Chodokov, was great for listening, being so close, but not great for viewing the Rebbe’s face. Throughout all the years which I stood there, it did not even enter my mind that the Rebbe knew who I was or where I stood. In those years there were thousands of Chassidim at the farbrengens and in no way would he know where I stood tucked behind people, out of view.
Fifteen minutes after the farbrengen began I left 770 and walked along Eastern Parkway, then under construction. I walked in the direction of the Brooklyn Public Library and was feeling very despondent about my life etc. For some reason I decided to turn back and walk home, passing 770 again. I was drawn back and walked to my place at the farbrengen as the Rebbe was finishing the first sicha.
Between sichos married men and non-Lubavitchers raised small 1 ounce cups with wine and wait until the Rebbe saw them and nodded his head, bestowing a blessing. Unmarried Lubavitchers did not do this, and one waited until one was married.
As I walked back to my place, a full eight-ounce cup of wine was on the table and I raised it towards the Rebbe. The Rebbe’s head turned all the way around towards me and two large beams of blue light began shaking my body. This went on for several seconds and I remember sweating and shaking as I drank down the full cup of blessed wine.
For years I never repeated this story. I was living an irreligious lifestyle and was perhaps embarrassed about what I took to be a miraculous occurrence. But I would always ask myself privately, “how did the Rebbe know what I was going through?”
Five years later I was eating the shabbos meal at Gershon Jacobson’s home and Meir Abbesera was there. He told a story about being in 770 in the 70’s and how the Rebbe looked at him, and the two blue beams of light threw him up against the wall. The people who were with him witnessed this and he was taken outside etc.
Four months later I wrote to the Rebbe that I wanted to go to University but would follow the Rebbe’s advice if he told me to go on shlichus to one of the other yeshivas. The Rebbe responded three hours later that I should go to college with great blessings. One year later the Rebbe agreed that I should leave Crown Heights and move to a campus apartment. The Rebbe knew and guided me to leave and enter on a new road, a road that seemingly is fraught with everything the secular world offers, but with the dire consequences as well. I walk on this road, but I always turn to him, for in this world of confusion, I always did and always will have, my Rebbe.
Judaism.com
June 24th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Rebbe wants Shulchan Aruch
Shabbos
kashrus
Kedusha
Tefillin
Torah
Chassidus
everything else is baloney.
June 24th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
tzig knows what the Rebbe wants.
June 24th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Whether or not radloh practices it, tzig should know that all of those are possible without hats — smashed or otherwise.
June 24th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Thanks for sharing “your Rebbe” with us all.
June 24th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
i’m amazed by how lubies refer to his blue eyes as something holy instead of genetic proof he’s not semitic.
can you now tell us about your hepatitis and the pigeons again?
June 24th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
tzig,
thank god he doesn’t want gemilus chesed.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Radloh u have one sick mind.
BTW, u r testimony to techiyas hameysim…
June 25th, 2009 at 10:55 am
welcome back Avremel!
June 25th, 2009 at 11:13 am
how did u squeez back in to ur spot
June 25th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
I cant believe it! Radloh is back.
Tchiyas hameytim!
June 25th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
When rebelling one should not follow orders from whom one is rebelling against.There was no blue light; the Rebbe was a false messiah-our struggle is true-its not the Rabbi that set you on this path but your own search for truth- as suicidal and meaningless as that may be -you’re the inspiration for all of us.Korach’s martyrdom is our own;I watch as this land destroys everything holy leaving only the most corrupt to prevail; as I myself are distroyed.From the bottom of the pit I can only cry that Moshe and the Torah are true.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:46 am
SA’s comment in #5–many speakers of Semitic languages throughout the Middle East have blue eyes, Arabs, Jews and Assyrians.
Semitic is a linguistic and not a racial descriptor.
June 26th, 2009 at 6:46 am
abuhatzeira
June 26th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I remember this story from a farbrengen you led at Mayanot!
June 26th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Mayanot, ahh the good old days!
June 29th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
this is the first time ive been here in a long time.
to see this story was nice.
June 29th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Great Story Radloh,
It reminds me of another fantastic story of the rebbe. A man, down on his luck, went to visit the rebbe for dollars. The man decided that since the rebbe knows what’s on his mind, he is the rebbe after all, he would stand in front of the rebbe, stare into his piercing blue eyes and the rebbe would be able to look into his soul and offer him advice.
And so it was. But the words of encouragement, the words that inspired this man to turn around his life, and become the great success that hs is today, actually did not come from the Rebbe. Instead they came from Rabbi Leibel Groner. As the man was standing in front of the Rebbe, not moving. Rabbi Groner turned to him and said. “keep moving forward.” And then, just for emphasis, one of the Zirkinds pushed the man forward.
The man has never looked back since.
June 29th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
זהו אמונת צדיקים
June 29th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
a messiah is only as real as their followers
July 2nd, 2009 at 12:50 pm
kovi,
the story is somewhat true but inaccurate
this how it went.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Q8kZMf71FE&feature=related
July 7th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Radloh, darling, since you were standing in a crowd of people, did anyone else say, “Holy shit, did you fucking see those laser beams???” Or was it for your eyes only?
July 9th, 2009 at 7:58 am
god shines thru and speaks thru our rebbes,they are just the light bulb,not the light,,and in some,That light shines brighter,some can see IT in them,others can not see IT,,,hard to find a good rebbe,when you do,you should thank god to be so fortunate,,,,,,,as always,,,,,,,love yesod
July 26th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Radloh,
The Freideker Rebbe also sent the Rebbe to university because he knew he had what it takes to remain frum in spite of the effects of the environment.
If the Rebbe sent you to university, it mean he Knows You and he knows you have the inner strength to remain frum in spite of everything you went through and in spite of everything he had foreseen that you are destined to go though.
If you believe in the Rebbe, you believe he gave you the Kochos to remain frum, in spite of all your challenges.
That’s in addition to the Kochos you have, built in, your chassidishe bener and chassidishe blut, from Zchus Ovos and your Zede and beyond.
Lfum Gamla Shichana